I love quoting authors so here’s some of my favorites (and this list will grow) …
- About belief or lack of belief in an afterlife: Some of you may know that I am neither Christian nor Jewish nor Buddhist, nor a conventionally religious person of any sort. I am a humanist, which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without any expectation of rewards or punishments after I’m dead.
- God would have to be an Athiest, because the excrement has hit the air-conditioning big time, big time
- Sally in the garden,
Siftin’ through the cinders,
Lifted up her arse,
And farted like a man,
The busting of her britches broke fifteen windows,
The cheeks of her ass went (bam, bam, bam)
- I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that’s not saying much. We are impossibly conceited animals, and actually dumb as heck. Ask any teacher. You don’t even have to ask a teacher. Ask anybody. Dogs and cats are smarter than we are.
- Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn’t mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.
- I am too lazy to chase down the exact quotation but the British astronomer Fred Hoyle said something to this effect: The believing in Darwin’s theoretical mechanisms of evolution was like believing that a hurricane could blow through a junkyard and build a Boeing 747. No matter what is doing the creating. I have to say that the giraffe and the rhinoceros are ridiculous. And so is the human brain, capable, in cahoots with the more sensitive parts of the body, such as the ding dong, of hating life while pretending to love it, and behaving accordingly: Somebody shoot me while I’m happy!
- All persons living and dead are purely coincidental, and should not be construed. No names have been changed in order to protect the innocent. Angels protect the innocent as a matter of Heavenly routine.
- Bergeron’s epitaph for the planet, I remember, which he said should be carved in big letters in a wall of the Grand Canyon for the flying-saucer people to find, was this:
- WE COULD HAVE SAVED IT BUT WE WERE TOO DOGGONE CHEAP
Only he didn’t say doggone!
- The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.
- There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia.
- How doth the little crocodileImprove his shining tail And pours the waters of the Nile On each and Every Golden Scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin, How neatly spreads his claws, And welcomes little fishes in With gently smiling jaws!
- Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.
- In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
- I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.